Agony

I'm a very competitive person. Extremely competitive and I'm constantly pushing myself. To the extent that if there is anyone in front of me (for anything) then I'm coming last. And I do not finish last!

I also get slighlty cocky from time to time :)

Like yesterday for example, in my Pump class. I've been on the same weights for awhile, having just come out of the cold from hell. I went for a run yesterday morning and was feeling fantastic and thought I'd up my weights. So I did, I increased every one between 50-100% and had the BEST class I've ever had.

But man, do I feel it today. I'm absolutley terrified to see what I'll be like in the morning - it's going to hurt! I love pain :)

Bathurst

First of all, my thoughts are with the family of Mark Porter, the Team BOC driver who has died as a result of the horrible and unfortunate crash on Friday. May the media grant them the privacy they have requested.

Now, what a race. I never want to see a safety car period again, what on earth was going on!

Am glad Lowndes won. He and Whincup had a fantastic drive and there wasn't a more fitting driver to win this year.

Hard luck to Tasman Racings Richards and Jones who had a fantastic race until Superman took off. Last year they ran second, qualified 4th (from the bottom 50% as well) this year and were having a fantastic run. Got the car back on the track, the power steering died and had a nice little bounce off the wall. Thank god the race didn't finish under yellows!

I haven't found out what happened to Dean Canto and Lee Holdsworth yet. 2 young drivers coming up from the development series over the last 2 years, they're doing really well at GRM. They started around 10th and for most of the race maintained that position but something happened around lap 120 and they garaged the car. Still not sure what happend, GRM haven't updated their site yet (not like they don't have anything better to do!)

Watched the race with The Man, and a couple of his friends. They think it's a crack up that I'm so keen on it, but for gods sake, SHUT UP! Now, I take my V8s seriously, I love everything about it. Don't mess with me while the V8s are on. You know the cliche about asking men things while they're watching the footy and all you'll get will be grunts? That's me. Don't mess with me!

Kinda strange though - this time last year I was in a crappy Aussie bar in Sukhumvit being hit on by a bar girl :)

Monday

I'm getting slightly sick of having big weekends. Can't I go back to being a loser and going out once a month tops? I'm not cut out for going out 3 nights in a row. I like being anti-social.

Having said that, I enjoyed myself. A Repco do on Friday night to say goodbye to one of their old-timers. I don't really enjoy them, but he is such a lovely bloke that I couldn't not say goodbye. Many thanks to my new boob shirt for having one of the 21Cs perving on me for most of the evening. Nice little ego boost after a long, boring week.

Shopping on Saturday. I love shopping, I can spend 1hr in a butchers but barely 10mins in a shoe shop. I just don't have the bloody patience! I'll go through a phase once a month of finding something new to try and I'll have a blast. Most of my experimenting is done on Sunday as I'll always have the place to myself. I'll bring out all the cd's I haven't listened to in ages, a couple of bottles of wine, the weekend papers and off I go. I might try and motivate myself this weekend.

Saturday night I went to a BBQ an old school friend was holding. She lived less than a block from me in high school and with 2 other girls, we walked to school with each other every morning. Except for the mornings when I wanted to walk the shorter route and a huge argument would erupt. Those who know me will know that there is no way I was going to back down from that argument! For the record - I always got to school earlier!

It was good fun to spend time with her and be in that house again. I fell of the face of the earth during 2001 and have only just started seeing people again that I knew from that time. It's very strange to be going back there but I had a good time. I must go round to apologise for turning her bathroom upside down looking for a pair of tweezers to get out a 2mm (at the most!) splinter. I've had my fair share of drunken injuries but this little bastard hurt! A bandaid later it was all forgotten :)

Warning: Ageing Rant

22 today. Back are the "I haven't done anything with my life" feelings. During the week there was a news article about young people who leave school at 16. I panicked, then though "It's ok, I left school at 17" but I didn't. I left school when I was 16. Eeeeek!

But I've been thinking since then that I have really done a lot since then, it hasn't all been wasted. It's only (well, the only reason I can think off) because I haven't started/finished uni yet and that was always a big plan when I was in school.

My proudest achievements so far:
Going overseas by myself - after wanting to travel since I was little, I though I wouldn't be able to do it. But I did and I loved it and cannot wait for the next trip!
Been involved with a DVD for young people about depression that will be used in every high school in Australia.
I have volunteered with several mental health orgs since then and have meet so many incredible people.
Been a mentor to young Tasmanians.
I'm alive :)
I have a stable job with employers who value the contribution I have to make to my company and appreciate my work (more of the time!).
Have experienced a stable, "grown up" relationship and all the crap that goes with it.

So I'll quit complaining now :)

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

We may have daffodils, lambs and lovely sunny days but winter hasn't admitted defeated just yet.

Torrential rain over the weekend that my veges loved and more today. Had snow down to 400m on the mountain so we're back to looking like a postcard.

My favourite view from work is standing at the photocopier of all places looking out the window with crackly handblown glass onto the mountain which is beautiful on any given day.

I keep meaning to take a photo of it and keep forgetting. I must post one, it's a beautiful view.

Sick

I'm sick of:
Being sick
Having people laugh at me because I'm sick
Having to blow my nose 50 million time during the night
Waking up and having my entire head blocked up until 10am
My voice deciding it suddenly doesn't want to work
Not being able to go to the gym
Not being able to eat proper meals

But on the bright side this is the best cold I've had for awhile, no aches, no pains and I don't generally feel like shit :)

INXS

Is there a group of men over forty in Australia that are any sexier than the blokes in INXS (bar JD)?

I saw them on Saturday and they are amazing. I love their music and like their new stuff and had been looking forward to it for months. JD Fortune was pretty hot in the clip for Pretty Vegas so was certainly looking forward to him!

The show was fastastic. They were supported by The Dead Abigals, a great Hobart band who are doing really well for themselves. Our seats were 4 rows back and smack bang in the centre. 5 mins before they came on a countdown came up on the stage and sent everyone nuts. The crowd was exactly how everyone predicted - in our row to my left there was a man in his late 50's and on my right a 10 odd y/o girl (now doubt there because she has JD Fortune posters on her wall!).

If JD Fortune hadn't won RockStar he could have easily become a stripper instead. Within 1 minute on stage his shirt was unbuttoned and the tie was starting to come off. Within 2 minutes I didn't want to touch him with a barge pole and even now cannot think of anything remotely attractive about him. Great voice, seems to fit well with the guys, brilliant performer but all over himself. He spent most of the show with either his hand on his crotch or down his trousers. And doing freaky jolty things with his fingers and jumping up and down. Very strange.

The remainder are incredible musicians and I would love to see them perform without JD.

Food and Summer

... Is all I can think about at the moment. My Saturdays are filled with trying to find that elusive perfect butcher (I refuse to believe that the best butcher I can is in Hobart's dodgiest area!),trying different kinds of yogurt and muesli and staring longingly at banana's. I can't wait until they're a decent price again.

Stuffed...

That's me at the moment. Absolutley bloody exhausted.

I've been doing 2 jobs (and today I'm doing a third!) and I'm so over it. And I have another 2 months of it before things settle down.

There are 2 upsides to this though:
*My new payrate has been confirmed and will allow me to pay off a couple of debts and move to the UK next October :)
*There is a very hot Italian auditor in our office this week. Although I'm quite dissapointed with his shoes.

So there is a little bit of a silver lining, but it keeps getting cloudy!

Signs

I've never been a big believer of the afterlife, reincarnation or anything like that. Although in recent years I have started to believe in signs (or things that I want to believe are signs, haven't decided yet). But I'd like your opinion, which is why I'm posting this.

Today, 5 years ago, my father died. Of course there are heaps of memories that keep swimming around in my mind, but here are a couple of stories for you :)

We used to live in the country, 1 hours drive from the city I now live in. The trip would take us along the river and during spring and summer (and winter if we were really lucky) there would pelicans. So the Pelican Patrol was formed! My mum was secretary and she had a pewter pelican brooch that she would wear. I had a BBQ for my 21st last year at a bay that was/is a favourite with my family. Not long after we arrived, a pelican arrived and stayed for the day. I didn't think much about it until later in the day, but it made my day just that much better.

Fast forward to last Wednesday, my dads birthday. I posted about playing records and drums with him when I was younger and I knew that I'd loved this one particular song when I was younger and I can never, ever think of it. It's never on the radio, so I'd thought that it was just one more of those things that I would forget as time passed. Driving home after having dinner with my mum and adopted g-parents and I had this tune stuck in my head. Before long I realised that it was the song that I'd played drums for with him when I was little (funnily enough it was by the river where we always saw the pelicans!)

So, I'm not sure if they are signs or if I'm reading into it too much to make it seem like he is still around. Either way, I like it :)

...

Now I know why I don't want to fuck things up for people here when/if I leave.

We passed our audit today with flying colours and now I have the most beautiful bunch of lillies, gerberas, carnations and daisies sitting on my desk :) My boss even picked my favourite flowers.

It is a great place to work. I know I bitch and whinge about it from time to time, but I have it so easy here. No one complains about us using the net, we can take breaks whenever we want, we can take our leave whenever we want, all my requests for leave without pay have been approved, we have birthday parties every birthday, the "young ones" in the office just sit and chat and throw apples at each other after the senior staff have left. Talk about cruisy :)

Weekend wrapup (on a Wednesday!)

Thursday: Flew to Melbourne for the weekend. Had a www.reachout.com.au workshop and I was looking forward to it. Checked into my hostel, then wandered through North Melbourne, checking out noticeboards, room to let ads, notices for yoga classes. Thursday night is what my life should be like all the time. So why don't I move? I haven't answered that question yet!

Friday: Up early to start the workshop. Was a bit disappointing that people pulled out at the last minute, but oh well. Was a good day, got a lot done and learnt more than I expected to. We had dinner on Lygon Street then in to Melbourne Central for www.maxbrenner.com.au and Chocolate Pizza! Heaven on earth - a sweet dough base, melted chocolate, marshmallows, chocolate bits and cornflakes. Yum!

Saturday: More workshop, some killer table tennis and verticle twister (which I'm now addicted to!). A BBQ at the hostel with the rest of the people from the workshop, an ex-YA arrived which was lovely because I haven't seen her for ages (fingers crossed for that job!!) and spent the evening just chatting, laughing and playing silly games. Watched the rugby (All Blacks 35 d Box 17, fantastic first try!) and went to bed around 4.

Sunday: More workshop! Lack of sleep by this stage made me quite cranky, lots of snapping from me :) Got some amazing ice cream from Lygon Street, White Chocolate, Ferre Roche and Pasisonfruit. Got to try some Bubblegum which was incredbile, I was expecting to chew! A quick shopping trip, then to the airport to fly home.

Have been fairly melancholic since then. Can't decide where I want to go, what I want to do or why I want to stay here. I can't really move anywhere (interstate or overseas) until the end of 2007 because of my new job (well, I could leave but I really don't want to fuck up things for them). I have a trip planned for Sept/Oct 07 but it seems sooooo far away! Am thinking about a quick trip to an island, Fiji, Tonga, maybe Hawaii?! I just need a week on a hot beach, a good beach and sun. I think I'm just missing the sun!

Bluergh, I'll take my whinging and bad temper elsewhere :P

Tag

Jules (www.dragongirl76.blogspot.com) tagged me, so here we go...

A) Four jobs I've had in my life:
1. Soon-to-be Training Officer
2. Training administrator
3. Personal Assistant to Financial Planner
4. Pizza Hut waitress

B) Four movies I would watch over and over: (in no particular order, all are equally loved!)
1. All of LOTR
2. American Pie
3. The Man from Snowy River
4. Eurotrip

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Brighton
2. Hobart
3. Melbourne
4. Hobart

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Last Man Standing
2. The Great Outdoors/Getaway
3. Black Books
4. McLeods Daughters

E ) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. New Zealand
2. Thailand
3. Singapore
4. Margaret River

F) Four Websites I visit daily:
1. www.news.com.au
2. www.simplesavings.com.au
3. http://thorntree.lonelyplanet.com/
4. And a rather long list of blogs!

G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Bauernfruhstuck
2. Sushi
3. Twisties
4. Chicken pad thai

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Somewhere in South American having Spanish and dance lessons
2. With Damien, where ever he is
3. Port Arthur
4. Having coffee in Coromandel

I) Four people I think will respond:
1. Cecil/X
2. Julia
3. Obviously I have to read more blogs!!
4.

I'll tag X (www.theadventuresofx.blogspot.com) and Jules (www.relookage.blogspot.com)

Making music

I wasn't terribly musical growing up. I used to love sitting on my stool in the dining room with dad playing his records and us acting out the instruments. Most of the time I was on the drum. Mum and I would listen to Beethoven or Chopin or Vivaldi to school in the car, with me playing a combination of violin and piano. I played recorder in primary school, but only because my best friend was doing it.

In high school, I played clarinet. Like many schools my high school had a compulsory music program for years 7 and 8, so I didn't really have much choice in the matter (other than between trumpet, guitar, piano, tombone, flute, percussion, tuba, violin, cello or sax). I bumbled my way through grade 7 music and joined the junior concert band in grade 8. It was fairly difficult as I'd never actually learnt how to read music, or count properly, which meant that that only time I could practice was after band practice on Tuesdays because I still had the tunes in my head. Kept playing through school, moving onto the senior concert band, a clarinet quartet and a Jazz quartet. I didn't continue in college because it just seemed too difficult.

In grade 7, my dad took me to a tiny, dingy, jam packed music shop in Hobart to buy a clarinet. We went there because he knew the guy through rugby and would get a good deal. We bought an ebonite de Noblet clarinet, which produced the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. I hadn't fallen in love with the clarinet until that time. It came with an old brown vinyl cover, frayed at the edges, but reminded me of suits in jazz clubs. Now, 9 years later, it's even worse for wear, but I cannot bear to replace it, it's just too perfect. The clarinet is old and falling apart as well. It needs a complete overhaul, needs a couple of it's keys replaced, they need repadding and it needs to be recorked. It lasts long enough to play Summertime on Sunday afternoons, but nothing more substantial.

In January this year, I attended an information session about a council beginners band that was starting not far from me. Every Monday night, 5-7pm since then, I've been playing the clarinet (albeit a borrowed one) again. I'm loving it! I can read music, I can count out rhythms, I can practice on the weekends and during the week. I'm making myself completely relearn it, I haven't played Summertime since last year. It's such a varied group, the youngest is a 10 y/o boy playing a alto sax and the eldest would be in their 50's and plays bass clarinet.

Now I look forward to going to work on Monday :) Who else can say that?!

The weekend...

It's only Monday and already it seems so far away.

Friday: Chicken and sundried tomato pasta bake, popcorn and Walk the Line. Wasn't as fabulous as I had expected it to be, but I did enjoy it. Who didn't want to move to Johnny's house by the lake at the end of the movie?!

Saturday: Quick check of the pets and livestock column in the paper before heading off to the National Treasures exhibition at the museum Was bizarre being inches away from Ned Kelly's helmet, reading "The Happiness Box" and seeing the first draft of The Man From Snowy River (my favorite poem). Might have to have another look before it leaves. Then off to the market to get some apples and mandarins. Popped into Norman and Dann, a fantastic little shop with gorgeous chocolate and fresh, fresh pasta. Bought some Penguin truffles for a friend but nothing for me today.

Saturday night: Old friends 21st. Left after a couple of drinks and some cake (thick gooey chocolate cake, is there anything better?). We've gone from being inseperable to being two grown up adults doing our own thing, which is fine and everyone grows up, but I miss spending time with her doing nothing. We've promised each other dinner and drinks next time she's in town.

Sunday: Nothing :) The Man is now working Sunday to Thursday weeks, so I have every Sunday to myself and it's blissful. A long lazy read in bed with hot chocolate, an equally long lazy read of the newspaper on the couch with cheese on toast and some tea. Then some housework before I get settled into the movies. I watched the regular EuroTrip, an American Pie style movie, young guys go to Germany to find a girl. I love it :) Then the end of Zorro 2 with mash and tomato and basil sausages.

Why do I do it?

This morning I resigned from a volunteer position because I was stressing about it and that wasn't helping my current state of health.

So what do I do?

I volunteer to be secretary for another committee I am on - on one condition though. That there is a laptop available for me to type the minutes onto.

Oh dear!

The cliched Black Dog

FORMER premier Geoff Gallop and his family have known he has been suffering from depression for some time.Teary cabinet colleagues, who yesterday urged Dr Gallop to take sick leave until he was better, were stunned and disappointed when he declined the offer, telling them: "I've been down that route before."
Acting Premier Eric Ripper said that in a sad meeting at the former leader's home on Saturday morning, Dr Gallop indicated his problem was not new.

"He did indicate that this was an issue that he had been dealing with for some time. A label was only put on it in recent times," Mr Ripper said yesterday.
Shortly after he arrived back at work from holiday as scheduled yesterday morning, an emotional Dr Gallop called about 20 personal staff to his office, where he broke the news and shared tears and hugs with some who had worked with him for years.

It appears even those who may have noticed that all was not right with Dr Gallop never guessed the true nature of his illness.
"It was certainly a great surprise to me," Mr Ripper said. "I didn't have any insight that this was a particular issue that he was dealing with. It would appear now that, like many great leaders, he has had to deal with this issue at the same time he had to lead."

Mr Ripper said he was deeply saddened that Dr Gallop had suffered alone. "I do find it upsetting that Geoff has suffered such distress. You couldn't fail to be moved by that," he said.

It is no secret that Dr Gallop has had a tough year - the former government school student from the crayfishing and agricultural centre of Geraldton was said to have been deeply affected by the death of his father, Douglas, in September and openly admitted he was tired from a long year that included a vigorous election campaign.

After his party's victory last February - pre-polling having given Labor little chance on the back of the disaster of the Latham federal election result - the premier returned to work without taking a break.

Dr Gallop survived the scandal of the WA Inc years to become Labor leader in 1996 and was often described as being too nice for politics.
While his ministers liked to talk about Western Australia's "V8 economy" or factions when off duty, the unaligned premier was more likely to recount the story of a 100m final at his local primary school's sports day or a conversation with a constituent.

Dr Gallop, known in the office for his witty imitations of Winston Churchill, swims 20 laps each morning at the Belmont Oasis Olympic pool. He describes it as his "daily escape".

He said at his annual Christmas party a month ago that he was tired at the end of a tough year and was looking forward to his break in London.
A noticeably thinner premier was less upbeat than at the previous year's party, where an affable leader worked the crowd to great effect, seemingly remembering the names and life stories of every guest before taking centre stage in the courtyard of Parliament House to award amusing prizes to the media.

But it is possible then, more than a year ago, that he was already feeling the strain of what Mr Ripper described yesterday as an increasingly presidential political system in which the leader cops personal criticism.

Dr Gallop returned from holiday on Sunday last week and sought medical treatment for his depression. In the following days he reconciled himself to resigning from politics, which has dominated his life for the past 20 years.

It's been 4 years, 4 months and 6 days since I was diagnosed with depression. I think it's fantastic that Dr Gallops resignation has been accepted so positivley. Instead of the media portraying depression as a weakness (as it was portrayed less than 4 years ago) it's catching on and reporting it as an illness.

One of Beyondblue's (www.beyondblue.org.au because I can't get the links to work) key messages is that depression is a medical illness and can be treated. It is ok to talk about depression and I commend Dr Gallop about speaking so openly and frankly about his illness. I think it will inspire men who a secretly battling depression to talk to someone and seek treatment. I look forward to his return to politics.

For further information about depression and treatment, check out:
www.ybblue.com.au - The youth arm of beyondblue
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/ - Delivering cognitive behaviour therapy for preventing depression
www.reachout.com.au - Another site aimef towards young people
www.sane.com.au

Travel research...

Is torture.

I want to do a semi-RTW next year (and now it IS next year, not the year after next!). US to work in a summer camp, then to the Rugby World Cup in Paris, with a detour through Bangkok to do a TEFL on the way home.

I can't start saving yet (well, not seriously). I must pay off my credit card and then start saving. But I want to go NOW! I'm worried about not having enough moeny by the time it roles around but it's 15 months away - why the hell am I worrying!

I've decided on it, I'm going to do it. I'll make it happen no matter what (I might have to sell a kidney though)

Welcome to 2006

First day back at work yesterday and the internet is down. What? I have to Work?! I can't believe how addicted to the net I actually am. Needless to say I got a lot of work done yesterday! By 3 I completley bored and sick of work so I went the the travel agents to gets some brochures to look at places and dream and to sort out my finances so I can do a RTW in 07!

My NYE was a bit dissapointing. My cousin had to sail the boat back the same day her arrived, so only saw him briefly, so I drank my sorrows away, watched fireworks reflections in the sky and was in bed by 1. Next year I'm going to Falls with my friends.

Internet is back today (obviously!) and I have succeeded in doing no work whatsoever. Quite proud of myself!

Off to the gym after work to get my arse into gear. My goal is to lose 15kg this year and keep it off. Only plans to change my eating habits is to cut out my take away - love the stuff! Apart from that I eat fairly well, but it's going to be hard!